Mission Venture Ministries

When Jesus Christ lived as a human on earth, He had to deal with many difficult people. But Christ dealt with these difficult people in the right way. His examples, along with other instructions in God’s Word, teach us how to handle those who cause strife. 

As Christians we should follow Jesus’ example and try to get along with people around us. Romans 12:18 tells us, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” This verse does not say it will always be possible, but we should at least try. 

God wants us to be peacemakers. By striving toward peace and not conflict, we can handle difficult people. Even difficult people like to be treated well, and that’s why treating them with the respect as we want to be treated, helps towards making peace. And learning more about God’s commandments will help us with our relationships with all kinds of people. 

No matter where we are in life, chances are we have regular contact with difficult people. They could be customers, co-workers, our boss, neighbors, acquaintances, church members, or even strangers. No matter who they are, when someone in our life becomes hyper-critical or spiteful or surly, we should take time to pray and ask God to help us in the given situation. 

We read in the Bible that Jesus told us to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us, but by being human that can be tough some times. As some said, “How can I demonstrate love to someone who is sending my blood pressure through the roof? Fortunately, when we study the Bible it will give us practical instructions on how to achieve something that at times seems impossible. 

 Here are a few principles, taken from the New Testament, for dealing with difficult people: 

• James 3:1-12 teaches us how to tame our tongue, because words that explode from our mouth in moments of anger or frustration are rarely helpful. Instead, they generally do great damage. Therefore, we need to take a deep breath, get control, and take time out for a few minutes to cool off and ask the Lord for help. Keep in mind, that the same tongue that speaks words of division can also speak words of reconciliation. Instead of allowing our tongue to speak in a way that we will regret, we need to use it to transform the moment into something that will honor the Lord. 

• In the book of Philippians, Paul gave a glimpse into some dysfunction inside of the early church. Apparently, a group of Christian teachers did not like Paul, and they used his imprisonment as an opportunity to simultaneously slander his reputation and advance their ministry. Paul was obviously not happy to see this, but he kept his eyes on something bigger. While these preachers criticized Paul, they continued to preach the Gospel. In light of that, Paul wrote, “The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice” (Philippians 1:15-18). 

• Matthew 5:43-48 tells us to love your enemies; and in order to really focus on loving others, we have to constantly be aware of how much Jesus loves us by how He laid His life down for us on the cross. When we understand and are thankful for what He did for us, we can express the love needed to plant the seed of peace and harmony into a difficult person’s heart. 

• We need to watch out for pride and instead imitate Christ’s humility. If we think about it, we are the only ones that can control conflict with others. We cannot control others but we can control our attitude. That is why Paul writes to the Philippian church, suggesting that the key to unity is humility. “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus” (Philippians 2:3-5). 

• God calls us to be channels of grace, mercy, forgiveness, and reconciliation. When we understand what Christ did for us, we should do the same for others. As Jesus shows compassion for us, we must show the same to others. He grants us mercy, forgiveness and reconciliation. Should we not do the same? As Paul said to the Philippians, “Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from His love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind” (Philippians 2:1-2). 

In Romans 5:8-10, Paul reminded the Romans that while they were enemies of God, Christ died for them. He loved His enemies. He prayed for those who persecuted Him. He demonstrated restraint and mercy, and in doing so, gave us an example to follow as we deal with those difficult people in our own life. 

We need to be patient and kind, remembering that God alone is the one who changes hearts. 

Paul gave Timothy a wonderful teaching which we should also follow: the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will” (2 Timothy 2:24-26). 

If we are willing to surrender our right to be angry and our right to be “right”, we can diffuse any difficult situation . . . and with faith and obedience we can transform it for good. 

We should never treat someone in a way we would not want to be treated. Just because someone mistreats us, we have no right to mistreat them. God says vengeance is Mine (Romans 12:19), because He alone can carry out righteous justice. In fact, when we overcome evil with good, it makes a positive impression on those who mistreat us! 

Remember, we can’t change people; only God can. What we can do, by God’s grace, is cultivate a kind and gentle heart that is ready to listen, able to teach, quick to forgive, and prepared to direct difficult people to the Savior.

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